Feeling buffeted? Turn in

HeartAs I stood on the edge of the 40 day sadhana 10 days ago little did I know that the external chaos we were experiencing was about to increase exponentially. Couldn't even believe it was possible. But it was.
So here we are. In this moment. Pivotal. Irreversible. It feels like a primal call from the depth of our consciousness.

Didn't get the hint with Covid?

Here, have racial inequity.

As the wind whips across the metaphorical and literal battlefields of our combined experience, buffeting us around a series of emotions on a continual basis. Here we are. In this moment, no going back. Whatever normal that was, it's not coming back.

The insight which I'm returning to in this moment is in the name of Saraswati herself. As so often in Sanskrit we can pull apart the word to reveal two sides of the same coin.



Saras, meaning essence of flow. The echo through creation. Expansion. Outward seeking. The expression of our innate creativity.

Wati, meaning the Self. The steady inward focus of consciousness. Turning bank in towards the connection point between all beings. The spark which unites. A drop of the divine.

Which leads to another Sanskrit word, one of my favourites as it happens: Spanda, meaning pulsation. Two sides of the same coin: turning in and moving out. Inhale, exhale. Expansion, contraction.

Once we start to see this pattern it's almost impossible to ignore, we see it everywhere.

In order to move, we first must start somewhere. And I know that I must first turn back towards myself, to know myself. It is only when I'm able to do this can I truly and honestly move. And only when I stay connected to this essence can I take those delicate steps back out.

In this moment, I have know answers, no strategy, no plan. It's an uncomfortable and vulnerable place. So I turn back inwards, to my practice. To my anchor. To the ocean of love.

The seed does not grow quietly and peacefully. It has to break apart, to fight its way down into the earth and out into the light. To trust that it will be supported by the earth and nourished by the light of the sun.

Om Aim Saraswatayay Namaha.

Posted in Sadhana

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